just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You are the jesus of drinking
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The adults are the big ones right?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
