My brain says no but my pants say off.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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