I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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