Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
