I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
