So drunk its hurt
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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