dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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