Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
