we have officially lost it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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