My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
