i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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