Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
