You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
