i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
