whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
