Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
