The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
