I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize