whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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