I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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