he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
