i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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