This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
