if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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