I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize