Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
