You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
