ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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