Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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