Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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