I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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