I hate all girls vehemently.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
