Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
