apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
