I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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