OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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