It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There are leaves in my underwear?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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