My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
