Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize