I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
