Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
