i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize