now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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