we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
