Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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