My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
