Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
