I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize