Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
