Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
