bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
