dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
