I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
