Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize