Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
