it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
