I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
