So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
