that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
