But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Houston, we have a squirter
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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