I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize