I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
