Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
