Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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