He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize