Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
