I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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