All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
