so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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