Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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