I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
