My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
