I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
