did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
